A New Dawn...

 

When does the child pass the baby pacifier of its first years onto the challenging years of adolescence which , in turn,  hands the bridles of its life over to the mature adult without knowing how, without training , if only through words of mouth and the wise parental guidance ?

And through all these stages from the very first breath of life?

Although I had cashed my first real pay check, I must confess that within me, the impulsive pangs of a singing and carefree youth still tickled me.

Celebrating my farewells to childhood or teens might have been easy because of the excitement I felt to grasp life with a serious mind. I was thus overpowering the left-over of innocence which, of course, made me stronger, when in truth, words such as responsibility, obligation or commitment hadn’t appeared in my vocabulary yet. They were even frightening me a bit.

Only the calm poise that I had felt emerging slowly in my heart made me realize that I had indeed changed in between my two good-byes to France.

After the triumphs of my surprise visit at my parents house in France, which had brought me right back to the homely comforts of the child , I had left, once again but this time , I would cherish the memories of seeing my parents’ happy faces. They had admired my success.

Their pride weighed more in my favour now.

Forgiveness had replaced the agonies of a long silence I had imposed upon them.

I had turned my head and heart once more, pointing west towards my life in the USA.

It was exactly what I had done. I had declared myself totally independent, cutting the invisible umbilical cord now and forever, the bonds from my birth country and its own future.

I had become a proud and respected member of the great TWA flying family.

Americans had accepted me with open arms, I loved them and the land, the varieties of everything, especially the way I was treated. Not as a foreigner who speaks English with a pronounced French accent, but as a compatriot of all passionate Latin souls or everything else which came from the Old continent!

Upon landing in JFK-I in New-York, if anyone had asked me then, I would have smiled triumphantly and declared myself totally in charge of my own destiny.

Shortly after I had entered the apartment, closing its door from the hustle and bustle of Manhattan, so relieved to find it empty.

This lovely safe haven of inner peace would be the perfect companion for my thoughts.

Being able to, or having a safe place to drop my shoulders completely, and then enjoy the silence and the absence of trivial conversation through the quietness of the rooms had been a balsam for my soul.

I needed to think in total solitude.

Now that I had a fantastic and secure job, how to settle my private life as well?

This studio occupied by five airline hostesses whose relationship to one another had been the kind of “off-and-on”, the throwing of light hellos and the “have-a-good-flight “in a hurry, either coming or going, when the only greetings were the click noises of suitcases or the clacking of high heels on the wooden floor -all this had been our first living place and situation right after graduation but we all knew this was not a permanent one.

With a head boiling with ideas and at the same time a body so terribly exhausted, the emotional journey to France had drained the last ounces of energy in me.

When sleep fell upon me, one last thought:

I had decided time had come to inform my lovely and invisible roommates that I was ready to fly on separate wings!

A new dawn was about to begin…

“Let every dawn of morning be to you as the beginning of life,

and every setting sun be to you as its close.”

- John Ruskin -